XENOGEARS: A ROPE OF ROBOTS (part nine)

When last we saw our heroes, they were all dead. So it is time to start anew! With a new country, and new heroes! And... hey, where are you going? Look, here is someone interesting right here!

That was a lie. Welcome to Kislev! It is terrible and you're going to be here for a very long time. This is Kaiser Sigmund, one of many inhabitants of the fine city of Nortune with an inexplicably culture-clashing name. He is blowing off steam playing with his organ. Ha ha. One of his men comes in to report that things have been blowing up in Aveh, and they went to investigate, and they found that giant robot that got stolen at the beginning of the game! It's always in the last place you look, those stolen giant robots. This exchange lets slip that Weltall isn't actually a Kislev robot, they just... bought it used or something, from "them." It's full of black boxes! Does Kislev know what they do? No, they do not. No one in Xenogears has invented the crowbar.

This soldier thinks they should attack Aveh while things are still blowing up. They could knock over Shakahn!


Ugh, let's not. Gebler would just replace him with someone who can read.

And then, "they" arrive! Well, that sounds at least mildly interesting. "They" are a giant freaky flower vase ship.

Would you buy a used giant robot from someone who drives one of these? It drops off a lady who is referred to not at all cryptically as The Executioner. From the looks of it, she fulfills her duties by driving down the street. She gives Simund something that will allow him to "pass through the barrier," but this narration does not remember what she is talking about, so, moving on.


Who are you people and why are you helping us?


mysteriousness


So do you want anything in exchange? A seemingly small and unconnected favor that will come back to bite us in the ass, perhaps?


Hey, now that you mention it!

She asks him to transfer that stolen robot and the pilot they found unconscious inside of it to D Block. What is D Block? This game is so glad you asked. Anyway, they apparently didn't want that stolen robot back very much.

Meanwhile, Fei is dreaming in Freudian metaphors again. Oh, Fei. Most his theories have been disputed, you know.

This narration has not seen fit to mention it until now, but this is what Fei sees pretty much whenever he closes his eyes. Annoying! He runs in place for a bit while menaced by this giant swinging cross, and eventually he comes across a child version of himself watching a film strip of himself playing kickball with some woman.


I'd really like to think my subconscious could do better than Super 8.

Another, less well-groomed child version of Fei comes along and kicks him out! Fei's subconscious has a bouncer and he is not on the list. That's pretty exclusive.

Fei wakes up in a strange room full of bunk beds, and a doctor comes by and tells him he's been unconscious for four days. But it's okay now! He's alive, well, and in prison.


I'm sure I'm going to be upset about this in a minute, but right now I really need to use the bathroom.

Fei is in D Block, Nortune's detention area for dangerous criminals. Fei must be extra dangerous, as he was brought in under heavy guard, which dropped him on a bunk bed and then fucked off. A bunch of toughs come in, determine that Fei is more or less awake, and declare that is it time for his "baptismal ceremony.'


Whoa, whoa whoa! I'm under contract for a Square RPG, not an HBO drama!

Too bad, Fei! You are on the inside now and you have a sweet ass. But apparently the baptismal ceremony is not what it really, really sounds like, but is in fact just a series of one-on-one fights with these punks and D Block's "champ," one Ricardo Banderas. Well, that doesn't sound so bad. Here he is now!

Wait, no, that is the wrong screencap. Here he is.

Now is probably as good a time as ever to mention that Xenogears is full of furries. They are called demihumans, and they are apparently mutants of some type, but whatever they are furries. Rico, however, is just a giant green and orange freak with a questionably hispanic name. Fei has no problem wiping the floor with the first four toughs, but when it's Rico's turn Fei quickly notices that he is outweighed here by about a hundred pounds and suddenly becomes a pacifist. Rico is pretty insistent, though, and Fei starts snarling at him outside of the text box! Most "are you an insane video game protagonist" self-diagnosis websites list that as a warning sign.

They fight anyway, and Rico kicks Fei's pretty little ass. He's impressed by his scrappiness, though. He gives him an A! They stick a bomb collar on him and send him back to where he woke up before.


Wait, back up.


Shit!

The image quality of Fei's portrait is also much worse, because no one on the internet has a clean copy of his bomb collar portrait. You are on notice, internet.


WHY AM I WEARING A BOMB COLLAR

Because you're in prison! Duh! The doctor says that is normal and he should not be concerned. Fei is accustomed to low quality health care, so he takes her word for it. He wanders off until he finds a bar, because prisons have bomb collars and bars. This is a completely logical combination of circumstances. At the bar, Fei meets a furry named Hammer.


Hey, there, bro!


Please do not call me that.


Oh, sure thing.

Oh, a narration can dream. Hammer tells Fei he is a "supplier," with quotation marks, which probably means he's a drug dealer. Good eye, Fei! Everyone is very impressed that Fei got an A on getting beaten up in an alley, and there's a lady from the "battling committee" hanging around who thinks that Fei is going places. There is no option to kill her.


Gears and fighting, you say? Hmmm, going to have to think about that one.

Hammer does not understand why Fei would turn down an opportunity to put in a caged deathmatch with giant robots. Fei does not understand why a giant mouse is talking to him. Fei makes a mental note: don't drink this bar's beer. Fei leaves the bar and returns to his bunk, where the giant mouse is waiting for him.


Yeah, this is definitely the beer.


The new doctor is here, bro! That lady doctor got transferred out.


...I left this room for four minutes.


Yeah, and now I have to re-establish my pharmaceutical connections. Good going, bro.


Well, I guess we should at least say hello to this doctor, who cannot possibly be significant in any way, being a doctor that we are talking about. Maybe after all these years I can finally get a proper flu vaccination!


Hello, Fei!


 


I was monitoring Kislev's radio communications and heard that you got arrested! Good job!


Where is YOUR bomb collar?


Well, time to plan our escape!


HOW DID YOU GET IN


Focus, Fei! You cannot break your promise!


Promise?


Oh my! How could you forget such an important thing as that? You promised Bart that you would protect Margie and the people of Nisan if anything happened to him!


I did? Was I drunk?


...Wait, so something happened to Bart?


He fought well, but the Yggdrasil was badly damaged and sank to the bottom of Davy Jones' sandbox.


...so am I king now?


What happened on your end, Fei? Do you remember?


Well, I was totally kicking ass! And then that Grahf guy showed up. And then... uh, I don't remember, actually. I woke up in prison, though, so I must have done something awesome.


Well, both your fleet and Vanderkaum's were completely demolished.


Yup, that sounds pretty awesome.


Oh, it probably was not your fault!


Probably!


Well, Bart is too annoying to be dead, so he must be still alive! We better get out of here!


Your logic is, as always, impeccable.

Ha ha! This shouldn't take long at all!


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