XENOGEARS: A ROPE OF ROBOTS
(part fifteen)

So now we have three giant robots holding up a giant battleship while in flight, which doesn't seem like it should be physically possible, but a list of things that are not physically possible in this game would pretty much just consist of "this game." ...It sure would be nice if these giant robots could fly under normal circumstances. Entire terribly designed dungeons that will go unnamed for now could have been skipped.

You guys! I think this thing might be too heavy, you guys!

We've steered it free of the reactor, so we should bail before our giant robots overheat!

But now it's headed for the Widows and Orphans District!

Goddammit, why do we even have an Widows and Orphans District?

LESS TALKING, MORE PUSHING

But it's no use! Everyone's giant robots are overheating! Fei and Rico have to bail! But Elly says her giant robot is Solarian and therefore special, so she can push this battleship across the sky all day.

Really?!

...No, not really.

Elllllllllllly!!

Fei has a talent, and that is drawing out an L sound for a weirdly long time. Elly is falling out of the sky and that battleship is still headed for the Widows and Orphans District! Who will save us now?!

Batman? Is it Batman?

No. But good guess. A mysterious winged giant robot that actually does look a lot like Batman, now that you mention it, pushes the Hecht clear of the city just in time, and then swoops down and protects Elly from the blast! Who could this selfless hero possibly be? Somebody who does not want credit for helping out the heroes, apparently, as he immediately turns around and blasts off with nary a character portrait revealed. Fei lands and dashes over to Elly.

YOU ARE STUPID

Are you crying?

NO. THERE IS JUST SOMETHING IN MY EYE. ...BOTH OF MY EYES.

...You can put me down, you're sort of throwing me around the cockpit here.

NEVER

Crisis over! Everyone goes to bed. The next day, Fei, Citan, Elly, and Hammer get together in an abandoned house and work on their plan to escape the capital. At this point it really seems like they could just walk out and maybe hitchhike back to Aveh, but no, that is too easy. Hammer has decided that they are going to hotwire another giant flying battleship.

I don't know, I'm kind of tired of giant flying battleships.

Did I mention this giant flying battleship is SUPER AWESOME?

Okay, fine, what's the plan?

It's docked in a military base just north of the capital. The plan is that we walk in and take it.

Well, if the security there is anything like the security here, that should be easy.

A military base just north of the capital? Hey, that's where we stole Fei's giant robot!

Wow, really?

Yeah! Gosh, if I knew there was a giant flying battleship in there, we wouldn't have bothered with the giant robots!

And you wouldn't have crash-landed in Lahan and I wouldn't have killed everyone! Ha ha!

Yeah! Ha ha!

Ha ha!

 

Um, well, we must get out of here and warn Aveh before Kislev decides to launch a counter-strike. Where is Rico?

He didn't want to come. He said he was tired of giant flying battleships.

Since Elly knows how to get into the military base, this plan is officially on. They go ahead and attempt to leave the city on foot, and a bunch of guards comment on how much Fei looks like the battling champ on the wanted posters! ...wait, why is Fei on wanted posters? This narration missed something. Well, it doesn't matter, since two out of three Kislev guards are terrified of of battling champs even when they don't have their giant robots handy. Unluckily, they run into the one in three who doesn't care, but it's okay, because Rico comes and kills him. Drama!

I changed my mind! This place sucks.

So there really was no point to Rico not wanting to come along. Well, whatever! Our heroes break into the military base, wander around it basically forever, ride on conveyer belts, that sort of thing. They find the ship! It apparently has its keys in the ignition.

So, does anyone here actually know how to drive a giant flying battleship?

No. But how hard could it be?

Ha ha! Don't answer that, Fei.

They take off! You guys! We've left Kislev! D BLOCK IS OVER! WE ARE FREE! FREE FOREVER! It will surely be smooth sailing from here!

But what's this? Evil theme music has been loaded up!

Bitches are trying to get us down!

Oh, son of a cock, it's Grahf again!

Hey guys! I think you really ought to give the hitchhiking idea more thought.

I'll take care of this!

Fei, Elly, and Rico leave the bridge to get in their giant robots and confront Grahf on the wing on the ship. Where we're going, we won't need basic laws about airflow and aerodynamics!

We don't have time for buttplug worms today, asshole!

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.

They fight! For... some reason! It is not really clear why Grahf is trying to sink their battleship. He's just a jerk like that. Meanwhile, back on the bridge, Citan is trying to swing the ship around so he can knock Grahf off the wing. Sure, that's a great plan.

You're going to get everyone killed!

Look, if anyone asks, I really do not know how to fly this thing. Hammer, go to the main guns!

...You want me to shoot him?

I am too busy driving like I am drunk! Just aim and pull the trigger!

This admittedly sounds like the worst idea anyone has ever had, but Hammer steps out to the gun, takes a deep breath, counts backwards from five, and blows that motherfucker out of the sky.

WOOOOO! Sir, did you witness the aptitude with which I executed that maneuver?

Hammer, language.

Grahf goes away, and our heroes get back in the car. Okay, now it should be smooth sailing from here. What the hell else could happen? They are in a giant flying battleship!

Strange... it almost feels as though I've lived this moment before.

Fei, you sounded really British there for a moment.

 

 

And then Bart blows them out of the sky.

WOOOOO!

Young master, that ship doesn't even have robots on the roof, what the hell are you doing?

I AM THE AWESOMEST

That's right, Bart is not dead! For some reason! Who cares! He is back, and so is his ship, which is now ocean-based, apparently! Whatever happened to Bart and company was undoubtedly many times more interesting than what happened to Fei, even if it only consisted of piecing the Yggdrasil back together with duct tape and then heaving it into the sea, but no matter! He is now back to doing what he does best, which is shooting at Fei.

Citan makes everyone evacuate the battleship while he tries to keep it in the air as long as possible. And then he realizes who fired on them, and decides to land the ship on Bart's head.

WOOOO---AAAUUUUGH

Don't worry, everyone, this doesn't kill Bart, either! Though it would be sort of funny if it did. Meanwhile, on another giant battleship (flying ability not yet confirmed)!

Something has exploded! Somewhere! ...we need better sensors on this thing.

Whatever it was, it had a gatekeeper on board! So whatever it was the Executioner gave the Kaiser, they put it on this battleship, which our heroes have now crashed into the ocean. Well, that seems pretty neatly resolved! Let's go home, everybody!

Not so fast!

Oh, nevermind, Mr. I Can Be Invisible And Show Up Out of Nowhere Neener Neener has to get his say.

...What are you doing on my ship.

That Kislev ship has him on board!

Him!

He's headed for Aquvy! You need to pursue!

We're... pretty sure that ship crashed, actually.

I said you need to pursue.

...Come on, everybody, we need to pursue!

Ramsus is... not a very good commander. Grahf vanishes again! To... the hallway just outside the bridge! It's not the best magic trick but he makes it work for him. Miang will take care of this.

Bitch, I told you to back off!

Look, he is very important to Kahr, as you have obviously figured out. It's a good thing you helped out! So I have to thank you.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Was it for me? Or for him? ...Or... for yourself?

...No, I mean it, that was extremely vague, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Join the club!