XENOGEARS: A ROPE OF ROBOTS (part thirty-six)

And so Fei is unleashed to rescue Elly, armed only with a pirate prince and priest. Bart is extremely grumpy because he thought having his Limiter removed would make him into a superhero or something, which probably makes sense if you are Bart. They go crawling into an airduct and fight weird ladies for two screens or so, and... well, that's about it, really. Apparently Krelian's lab was just a couple doors down from Fei's rape dungeon. You guys, you could have just used the hallway!


REAL MEN DON'T USE HALLWAYS


Is is a good thing we have an airduct map for some reason.

They find Krelian's lab!


Fei!


Elly!


Fei!


Elly!


Oh my god, would you two make out already?


No! It is not yet thematically appropriate.


You're gonna die alone at this rate, buddy.

They escape. Those security cameras must not even be hooked up. Meanwhile, Jesiah is shooting people up by the last Gate, while... Citan is deflecting bullets with his sword. Requiescat in pace, lie medical degree.


Where the hell have you been?


I was speaking with His Majesty. He says we should leave the situation up to "them."


Oh, okay. ...Wait, which "them?"


Random Pronouns 201 was a required course back at the Academy, Jesiah.

They take out the Gate! By shooting at it, presumably, it's not really made clear. For all that the party has been using giant lasers and whatnot on these things thus far they are actually pretty delicate. But they are not yet in the clear!


HYUGA


HYUGA, WHERE IS HE


Kahr! You are looking... well.

It's only been like five minutes but Citan has already forgotten everything he ever knew about pretending to be a doctor.


TRAITOR


I did not betray you on purpose! I just decided to ally myself with a group bent on the destruction of everything you have spent your life trying to build! Sometimes people just grow apart!


WHERE IS FEI


You sure are obsessed with teenage boys these days, Kahr.


I've got to get him with my own hands! All of you working with him are my enemies! Enemies stealing my things! ENEMIES ENEMIES ENEMIES ENEMIES


Huh, funny. I thought this wasn't Evangelion.


We had better go.


Yes, I agree.

They leave the Gate to explode with Ramsus standing in front of it, still gibbering to himself about traitors. Don't worry, this doesn't kill Ramsus! Nothing ever kills Ramsus.

Meanwhile, our quartet of dumb teenagers has reached some sort of pre-arranged meeting spot and caught up with much of the rest of the party, including Elly's parents! Yay, Elly's stupid parents! Rico brightly tells Elly that this was Hammer's doing, as a pair of First Class Solarian citizens can only make their way around their own city with the help of a shifty-looking giant rat. Isn't that right, Hammer?


We have to go now.


All right, everyone, listen! Solaris has strict anti-loitering laws! We have to break up into groups of three! Fei, I know you have just spent some time unconscious in a rape dungeon, but I am electing you to go first.

Citan, who continues to be the worst, just in general, gives Fei some vague directions to a hangar that will lead outside, where everyone will meet at a footbridge. Outside, you will recall, is upside down to relation to Solaris, so this sounds less than safe on multiple levels, but Fei is down with the plan. Fei is probably willing to just jump back to earth by now. Which he may have to do anyway, if everyone is just supposed to cling to Maria's giant robot like baby spiders.


I think I'm going to go on ahead and call a cab for us, actually.

Sure, that's a good idea, whatever. Erich leaves the party to find a payphone, and everyone breaks and heads for this hangar. They have to get through a dungeon that is just... Solaris, really, as it is terrible and dripping with escaped physical damage absorbing mutants on a good day. Nobody should live here! Showers aren't worth it! ...okay, the showers might be worth it but the giant coffee makers are definitely not worth it!

Anyway, they make it to the hangar, and then Hammer pulls a gun on everyone.

Oh God, what? Why does the shifty-looking giant rat have a gun? Why doesn't anyone else have a gun? Jesiah, Billy, did you two fall asleep? This is extremely irresponsible gunslinging.


I'm very sorry everyone, but Krelian bribed me to bring Elly back to him.


...when?


I didn't want to do this! But I have no choice, because you guys are special and I'm not!


...you are a giant talking rat, how do you get more special than that?


Special in a good way, I mean!


Oh. ...yeah, you're pretty screwed there.


I don't see what any of this has to do with kidnapping me.

So Hammer went out of his way to rescue Elly's parents apparently with sole intent of pulling a gun on her right in front of her mother. They don't have reality TV in Xenoland, so they just have to make do!


Don't worry, Elly, Mommy's going to save you! A mother's love makes her invincible! You just have to believe in me!


It does?!


But you're not my real mom!


Oh, good.

So Hammer pops a cap in Elly's mom.

The words you are probably looking for are OH SNAP. Or perhaps they are still DOESN'T BILLY HAVE LIKE SEVENTEEN GUNS, WHAT THE HELL, your mileage may vary and whatnot. This isn't even the time someone gets shot and it totally really is all Billy's fault, that shit is on Disk 2. Which this summary will get to someday, assuming its author doesn't die of old age and laziness first.

As one might expect, nobody is particularly thrilled with this turn of events. Hammer freaks out and runs away screaming and conspicuously not riddled with bullets, and Elly staggers over to poke her mother and be in denial for a minute or two. And then, because this is just not dramatic and ridiculous enough, Grahf and the Executioner show up! The party has not started until Grahf and the Executioner show up, so the party fights them, why not.


DON'T WORRY, ELLY, DADDY'S GONNA SAVE YOU

Ha ha, no, it is not enough to have Elly's mother gunned down right in front of her. This game does not do things half-way, aside from Disk 2! Elly's father shows up in the giant robot he ran off to go pick up, and the Executioner basically glares at him to death.


OKAY, SO, DADDY'S GOING TO BLOW UP NOW, BUT I STILL LOVE YOU AND SUPPORT ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONABLE LIFESTYLE CHOICES

Well, what do you think about that, Elly?


Glowing blue for some reason powers: activate!


Young lady, Super Saiyan Mode is not an approved stage of the grieving process.

The Executioner glares harder, and everyone falls down screaming. She is basically just popping wheelies at this point. But Fei is okay for some reason! Well, for relative values of okay.

Yeah, no, Fei is not okay at all, actually, but is he ever? Back on the Yggdrasil, a crewmember reports to Sigurd that one of the giant robots in the giant robot hangar has self-activated and is seeing itself out!


That's madness! Long-term parking charges by the day!

The giant robot is also undergoing a magical girl transformation, but the ship's sensors are more concerned with the fact that it is seeing itself out through the roof. Hopefully no one was in Ten-Forward at the time.

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