XENOGEARS: A ROPE OF ROBOTS
(part fourteen)

So, change of plans! Fei and company will go in via the train tunnel as planned, but now they will bust back out via the battle arena, saving Rico in the process! That is where he is being executed, you see, to absolutely no one's surprise. It's cool! We'll just add it to the list of impossible things Fei has to accomplish in order to get back to the fun fucking part of the game. No sweat!

So we'll sneak in, get my giant robot, and then go crazy out in the battle arena and grab Rico. And then run for it! I'm rank S now so maybe the guards won't give us any trouble!

...Hammer should probably hide.

Way ahead of you, bro.

The plan is on! Well, first Fei and Citan take adventage of the fabulous bedroom in Rico's apartment to take a nap. Then the plan is on!

Fei and Citan hop onto the train from a control tower that apparently lacks security of any sort, and they are on their way! It was a bit of a close call, though, and Fei grumbles something about punk-ass kids playing around in the tunnels. This is a terrible place to grow a lawn, Fei.

I seem to remember that your favorite thing to do back in Lahan was to leap into wells and fish out eyeballs.

I'm sorry, did you say something?

Well! So far so good!

Jeez, Citan, why don't you just go break a mug while you're at it? The connector on the train car immediately busts, and they are caught having to leap onto the next car, where that connector breaks. Ha ha, antics! What the hell kind of lousy train is this? This little farce plays out until they get to the front of the train, where they leap up into another freakishly large ventilation duct. It leads up to the giant robot dock! What a miraculous coincidence!

They get a glimpse of the dock inself from the ventilation shaft, but they manage to get out of it somewhere amongst the supply closests, where they eavesdrop on a pair of guards gossiping about Rico's upcoming fight with "the Beast." They also hide a key, which Fei just up and takes as soon as they're gone. Suckers! Citan stops, though, and Fei asks what's wrong.

This is a part that allows a Gear to recover 30% of its HP. If you have this equipped, you can activate this during battle. It is a highly useful item but the drawback is that you will use fuel, so you must use it with caution.

Citan has found his first chest and he is very excited.

...we're here to save someone from being executed, what the hell are you talking about goddamn giant robot fuel usage for?

It is just... it is a very nice item, is all.

Fine, take it! But don't tell me about it!

God, who opens a chest full of treasure and wonderfully useful items and then talks about it?

Girls such as Citan, apparently! They make their way into the giant robot dock proper and get into Weltall, presumably pausing to put this oh-so-great item on it first, and then walk the thing into an elevator that will take it up to the arena. Meanwhile, in the arena, Rico is on foot, and he's being pitted against an old friend!

That's right, Rico is being executed by way of DINOSAUR. Well, that sure as hell beats a lethal injection. Come on, Rico, surely this is how you would have wanted to go out!

AAAUUUUGH

Hm, guess not. Well, never fear, Rico, a maniac in a giant robot is here to save you.

WOOOOOO

HEY THERE, DINOSAUR, DID YOU MISS ME

But Fei, you already killed that other dinosaur! Well, whatever pumps you up, I guess. He kills the hell out of it.

What the hell are you doing here?

I am picking up my giant robot, obviously. I'm definitely not saving you or killing dinosaurs.

 

...look, just get in.

...no.

BITCH, I SAID GET IN.

I DUNWANNA

This enlightening debate is interrupted by Gebler opening fire on the arena from their flying battleships. Oh, right, that subplot!

Nortune returns fire and manages to take one of smaller ships out, which then lands on D Block and takes out its powergrid.

Huh.

Fei! That is Gebler's fleet! They plan on bombing the reactor and destroying the entire imperial capital! We have to get out of here!

Wow, you figured all that out just by looking up at it?

...yes.

That elipsis again. Well, I can't let them do that! They'll kill thousands of innocent civilians! I'm going to try to change the ship's heading!

Okay! Be careful!

...be careful?

Doc has known Fei long enough to know that 'careful' is relative. Fei blasts off towards the incoming ships, and Citan runs off to try to evacuate some of the city. Rico stands around and does nothing. Man, ingrate. Elly and her escort up by the ship see Fei coming! Hey, lieutenant, isn't that that asshole who keeps kicking your men's asses?

For fuck's sake!

Her men agree! They once again defy orders and abandon their posts with the escort to go fight him. Jesus, Elly, at least put in enough effort to get yourself promoted away from these idiots. Meanwhile Fei gets himself into position by the Hecht. Let's see this great plan he has to change its course!

YOU SHOULD MOVE!

Hmm. Elly's men attack him, which doesn't do much aside from annoy the heck out of him.

YOU SHOULD MOVE AND ALSO YOU SHOULD STOP ATTACKING ME!

Yes, this is sure to work! Eventually! Citan and Hammer are meanwhile busy getting people out of D Block. Apparently the collars don't blow up if the power's out? Sure, that makes sense. Rico is still standing around sulking.

Whatever! Let the city get blown up, it's a shithole anyway!

...oh, hell.

He runs to get into Stier! And just in time, too! Fei is outnumbered and his voice is getting hoarse from yelling at a battleship!

Rico!

Just don't say anything, okay, I don't need a reason to beat the shit out of things that piss me off!

Well, that's pretty much a reason right there.

I said don't say anything!

They defeat all of the Gebler dorks! That just leaves the battleship still heading towards that power reactor! Heading very slowly towards that power reactor. Fei clears his throat to start yelling again, but then Elly shows up!

You have got to be kidding me.

Well, where dinosaurs go, ladies follow. I'll catch up with you, Rico, head to the ship!

Rico is pretty sick of Fei's plan anyway, so he doesn't argue. Maybe he can actually get stuff done here! But now it is time for another edition of Why We Fight.

Look, Elly, no one wants to see Nortune blown off the map more than I do, but that doesn't mean you should actually do it!

Okay, I'm going to explain this slowly. I am a soldier. Soldiers are given orders! Soldiers have to carry out those orders whether they like them or not. And this is called the military!

Um, is this going to take long?

Of course I don't want to blow up the city, but this is where I belong! Some of us can't just run off and join pirate crews when they don't like the direction their lives are taking, okay?

Actually, the pirates are all dead.

...oh.

So I don't really have anywhere to belong at all!

Then why do you fight, Fei?

I don't know! Because fighting is better than sitting around on your ass and being sad, I guess!

...That's a pretty good reason, actually.

It is?

Yeah! I still can't help you, but I will sit here on my ass and be sad instead of fighting you.

That's not... oh, whatever.

Fei heads up to the Hecht, where Rico has gotten up in Dominia's face where is she apparently piloting from -- what else? -- a giant robot. This is a thing, it seems.

Oh, you made a girlfriend!

Okay, I am blowing you two up extra.

They fight! Fei and Rico win! The Hecht now has no pilot and is out of control!

I don't think this was part of the plan.

Well, your plan sucked anyway.

It is now time for plan B!

Pushing the Hecht down the road until they can get to a phone to call AAA! ...There is a reason it was plan B. Well, the giant flying battleship was not really designed to be held up in the air by a pair of giant robots, no matter how giant they may be, so things are looking pretty fucked for Nortune!

HEY GUYS

It's Elly! Elly, what the hell?

You've convinced me! Let's stop this thing!

Oh, thank God for your incompetence, Elly.

So now we have three giant robots holding up a flying battleship! Well, that's... progress.