XENOGEARS: A ROPE OF ROBOTS
(part forty)

Hey, everybody! Who wants to watch Xenogears?

Well, that aspect of disc two isn't going to make a difference, as this narration features no gameplay. All the same, disc two deserves a bit of an introduction for those of you who haven't played it. Again, though, if you have PSN access, you should probably play it. It's like $7! That is a pretty good deal for two thirds of a game!

Disc two is a big departure, narratively-speaking, from disc one. People tend to assume the project ran out of time and/or money -- is that how video games are made, though? totally in the order in which they're played? doubtful -- but no one aside from the game creators really knows. This may well be exactly what they had in mind. It's, ah... a lot of the characters sitting around and talking and doing things without your help! Aww, they grow up so fast. If you are some kind of weirdo who likes cutscenes, has Xenogears got a disc for you.

The thing about disc two, though, is that while it does continue and conclude the storyline featured on disc one -- no, really, even if you have to play the fucking thing eight times to figure it out -- it also contains about a third of the plot from another RPG entirely, which disc one only barely hinted at. This game is not playable, follows its own related but self-contained storyline, and features a different cast. A mostly different cast. ...Okay, it's pretty much the same cast.

Okay, it's a different cast with the same character portraits.

Hello there! My name is not Fei!

So, uh, good luck, everyone.

No, no, I am Fei. But I was having a dream that I was a man named Lacan.

Am I a crazy martial artist dreaming that I'm a long-dead portrait painter, or a long-dead portrait painter dreaming that I'm a crazy martial artist?

...that was far less rhetorical of a question than I was aiming for.

Where the hell are you, Fei? That is certainly not where we left you. Until now the swinging cross has represented the inside of Fei's head, but going forward it signifies something more like Xenogears's green room. You are going to be seeing it a lot.

But for now, rhetorical painters.

Is something wrong? We should stop for today, you look tired.

No, I'm fine. You must be the one who's tired, Mother Sophia.

I told you, when it's just the two of us, you should call me Elly!

...is that your name?

No.

Lacan and Sophia apparently know each other from childhood, and Lacan called her Elly back then... for... reasons? But they have only met again recently when Lacan was commissioned to paint her, 'recently' being a relative term in Xenogears.

I need to go home soon. I've run out of paint.

We don't have art supply stores in old timey Nisan?

No, I have to go make it myself. I'll be gone for a week.

Why don't you let one of my followers give you a ride in a giant robot? That would take like six hours!

...So, ah, giant robots are a plot device in this era, too, then?

It will take more than leaping back a few centuries to escape the giant robots.

Ah, whatever, we knew that. All the best giant robots are from five hundred years ago! Anyway, Fei tells us that Lacan is straight-up lying about running out of paint. He just never wants to finish that portrait! He wants to paint the pretty nun forever! That is sweet and sort of sad and not at all world-ending or God-destroying. Maybe this Lacan guy has gotten a bad rap. Or maybe this Lacan guy has got a horrific character arc to go through! You wouldn't really think there'd be time for that, and you'd be right.

Fei muses about how having this dream has changed everything for him, even though he can't really remember it once he's awake. He dreams about the lives of countless men who all loved one woman! A woman who always had the same name! Perhaps it's a memory of his soul! No way, Fei, it's probably just a dream.

Meanwhile, in the same room.

Elly is also dreaming! Dreaming a dream! These monologues are like forty percent ellipses, but I seem to be replacing them with exclamation points. Xenogears's tips for awesome writing: use tons of ellipses all the time! They make you sound very thoughtful and philosophical! Not drunk! Not at all drunk.

Her dream is exactly the same as Fei's dream but from a different camera angle. Elly explains that "Sophia" was just part of the Holy Mother title back in the day, but also that she makes Lacan call her "Elly" because she always liked that name. Do you, uh, have a name, Sophia? We're sticking with Sophia.

Elly tells us that when Sophia was with Lacan, she wanted them both to forget their positions and just be themselves, and that she wanted Lacan to paint her how she really was. Clearly not like one of his French girls, but there must have been a happy medium in there somewhere. In any case, this dream has changed everything for her! She dreams about the lives of countless women who all loved one man! One man who always had a different name!

Perhaps it's a memory of my soul!

Fine, perhaps. That's the only kind of dream people in RPGs ever have.

WAKE UP, EVERYONE

 

 

My injuries have all healed!

And my clothing has vanished!

And I'm submerged in a tube full of water!

There had better be a very good alcohol- and/or pirate-related explanation for this.

Nope! That's just disc two for you. An exceptionally creepy old man comes in and declares Fei awake, and he lets him out of the tube. And gives him his clothing back. At least this rape dungeon is warmer-looking than the last one.

You've been asleep in this nanoreactor for three weeks!

...who are you?

I have forgotten my name due to exceeding eccentricity! But people call me Taura. You seem to have made a complete recovery, but your friend was a little more bashed in than you were and will have to be boiled in a tube a bit longer.

My friend?

oh my god

Some things are hidden better by blocky pixelated graphics than others. Taura tells Fei to crank his jaw shut and come into the next room. Citan is here! In the kitchen, where he belongs. He is happy to see that Fei is not dead. You are not as interesting as a naked girl, Citan.

I should have known you were behind this.

Taura contacted me and I came as quickly as I could! You were very lucky to crash-land near his research facility.

I don't think I was particularly lucky to crash-land at all.

I was shocked to see a couple lying down with blood all over them.

No doubt!! Maybe alcohol and/or pirates shouldn't be ruled out after all. Fei not unreasonably wants to known what kind of research facility has big tubes full of naked people in them, aside from all of them, and Taura explains that the tubes are nanoreactors, which are devices that can rebuild substances at the molecular level. Theoretically, they should also be able to create many substances as well! Which sounds... gross?

Isn't this what that Krelian guy was talking about?

Oh, yes, Krelian! Woe and alas, for he was my student.

...Krelian was?

Did the Gazel broadcast that entire conversation about introns? Well, this certainly doesn't ring any prior alarming foreshadowing bells. Ah, but the timer on Elly's tube has gone off. Taura goes to stick a knife in her to see if it comes out clean. Fei tries to follow him, but he is rebuffed.

PERVS STAY IN THE KITCHEN.

I don't think I like disc two.

And disc two doesn't like you. Disc two doesn't like anyone. Taura returns with Elly, who has also had her clothing returned to her. Booo.

Elly!

Fei!

Elly!

Fei!

Take it outside, you two!

Taura kicks them out into the beautiful surrounding forest, where they go stand and the roof.

...They're confused.

How does Citan even know all these people?

I am not even ASKING anymore.

He was never asking to begin with, but eh, it's been a long month.