Xenogears: A Rope of Robots (Disc One)

Part One: In which a starship explodes, a wedding is called off, and our heroes fight a dinosaur with a giant robot.

Part Two: In which our heroes learn the value of motocycle maintenance, and then fight a sandworm with a giant robot.

Part Three: In which our heroes fall down a hole, learn that Darwinism is a cover-up by the church, and then fight a giant robot with a giant robot.

Part Four: In which our heroes are bullied into saving the princess pope.

Part Five: In which our heroes enter a deathmatch, swim through a sewer, and encounter a terrible evil. And Gebler.

Part Six: In which our heroes escape from the villains while Yakkety Sax plays, and then go sight-seeing.

Part Seven: In which our heroes talk for like nine hours, and somebody has a bad trip.

Part Eight: In which our heroes all have their asses handed to them, and the narrator uses the word 'meanwhile' like seventy-four times.

Part Nine: In which our heroes are sentenced to D Block, and half of the audience stopped playing the game. Oh, they meant to pick it up again someday, but they just... never got around to it.

Part Ten: In which our heroes continue to be in D Block. That's.. pretty much it. D Block is one of the longest sequences in the game, which is great since it is such a delight.

Part Eleven: D Block. Shit. Our heroes are still only in D Block.

Part Twelve: In which our heroes -- still in D Block! -- sit around and talk for a really long time. Xenogears, why so many words. Seriously.

Part Thirteen: In which our heroes help get someone arrested, and then are immediately put back to work springing him from the joint. WHY NOT, WE ARE ALL STILL IN D BLOCK ANYWAY

Part Fourteen: In which our heroes ride a train like hobos.

Part Fifteen: In which our heroes leave Kislev. And also crash two giant flying battleships. One was not enough!

Part Sixteen: In which our heroes are shipwrecked and get food poisoning. Leave sashimi to the professionals, folks!

Part Seventeen: In which our heroes are all reunited, and then one promptly pulls a Rosa. Guess which one! Amazing, you are correct.

Part Eighteen: In which one of our heroes gets drunk, another hero tries to blow up the ship, and another hero nearly up and dies. Good times, you guys!

Part Nineteen: In which our heroes run around the Vatican for a while, and we get distracted by shoes.

Part Twenty: In which our heroes take a wrong turn at Albuquerque and end up in a Resident Evil game.

Part Twenty-one: In which our heroes hit a massive vein of plot and just stand under it for a while, like a guy who's hit oil in an old movie.

Part Twenty-two: In which our heroes pretty much give up on following what is going on and just charge in random directions for a while.

Part Twenty-three: In which our heroes get tired of charging in random directions and go back to bashing the Catholic Church.

Part Twenty-four: In which our heroes go to Babel Tower, and what little of the audience managed to make it through D Block stopped playing the game. And they were right.

Part Twenty-five: In which our heroes get to the top of Babel Tower! It's much easier when you're not actually playing it.

Part Twenty-six: In which our heroes have disk two heavily foreshadowed at them from all sides.

Part Twenty-seven: In which our heroes bravely defend Shevat from Solaris, and the audience FALLS ASLEEP good god Maria is boring.

Part Twenty-eight: In which our heroes double back to Nisan, and girl power is employed.

Part Twenty-nine: In which our heroes take back Aveh from the occupation, and Bart is such a dick.

Part Thirty: In which our heroes come up with an impossible plan, and the villains very reasonably take issue with it.

Part Thirty-one: In which our heroes complete their impossible plan, and then pick up a stray. KIM AND KIM, WHAT IS KIM

Part Thirty-two: In which our heroes go to Solaris and meet the ghost of someone we don't really remember from the first hour of the game.

Part Thirty-three: In which our heroes get naked! That should get some search engine traffic.

Part Thirty-four: In which our heroes have never seen a movie made after 1972.

Part Thirty-five: In which our heroes are stabbed in the back with ONE BILLION WORDS OF EXPOSITION.

Part Thirty-six: In which our heroes stand around and do nothing while mothers are shot and puppies are kicked.

Part Thirty-seven: In which our heroes turn on each other with unfortunately sexual results.

Part Thirty-eight: In which our heroes stand around while Citan talks shit about Fei foreverrrrrr

Part Thirty-nine: In which our heroes collapse at the finishing line of disc one, bleeding heavily. Our heroes, not disc one.


Index